What Have You To Be Stressed About?
This is another story I wrote awhile ago. I really miss writing more now that I have time to sit with my thoughts and want to get back into sharing our home school stories, thoughts, and life. I have never thought I was good enough to give advice to others but I mess up enough to share my mistakes in hopes that others can learn from them too.
What Have You To Be Stressed About?
My husband sat across the table glaring at me as he began dangling a hair he had found in his freshly cooked dinner. He eyed me like I had intentionally placed it that out of some odd passive aggressive anger toward him for a unknown slight earlier in the day. He shook it a couple times making it bounce up and down as if I didn’t already see how incredibly horrible I just messed up. I had already apologized. I didn’t really know what else to say. My hair is falling out like crazy. I’m under an intense amount of pressure and that hair hanging from his fingers was the proverbial last straw. Something inside me cracked as I watched the hair bounce in the light given off by the brand new just installed energy saving LED bulbs.
After a moment of enduring his accusatory gaze I flat out told him, “I’m stressed out, what do you expect?” He looks at me with all seriousness and said seven words that were almost his last. “What have you to be stressed about?” My broken psyche scrambled to grab whatever sanity it could muster because I knew if I didn’t scrounge up something other than my first reaction that my response wouldn’t be as GOD would want it to be. Mentally I screamed “BREATHE, don’t respond in anger, just breathe!” I started to cycle through the various things I had weighing on me at the moment; work, school starting back, finding time to get everything done, messy house, special time with each kid and him, and the countless other things that have happened during the day. What is there not to be stressed about?
Yes, I am stressed! But I’m also very blessed.
I know I let the stress and worry inside my brain way too much. Who doesn’t? I know on the outside I try to put off the cool as a cucumber type persona but on the inside I’m like a volcano of feelings constantly flowing on the verge of eruption. Holding it all in has taken a serious toll on my health and it shows with the loss of my hair and the sudden lack of ability to button my jeans. One of my largest worries is time. There just doesn’t seem to be enough of it to fit everything that needs to fit into each day. I’m extremely worried about what is going to happen when school starts back. We chose to home school because we thought it the best for our children but it has added a lot of pressure on an already strained schedule. The thought that I am not enough to do everything and see to their education in the way they need me to terrifies me. I don’t want to be the reason they use years from now if they aren’t where they want to be. I suppose every homeschool parent feels that way. I’m not saying my worries are different or that I am any more stressed than any other parent. Stress is a badge on the sash of parenting that is handed out the day one finds out they are bringing a life into this world that they are fully responsible for. It comes with the territory.
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
GOD wants us to rely on HIM instead of being stressed and worrying. I know this but I haven’t yet learned myself how to let go of the reins of my own control. I fight to hold on with all my might but I am growing weary of the fight. I want to lay down my burdens and find the peace that is in fully trusting HIS will but as a human and a mother I more often than not find myself in the way.
Philippians 4:6-7Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
My goal for this week is to let go of one thing that is stressing me out and trust that GOD will take care of it.