Dear Other Mom,
First let me apologize for staring. It wasn’t because I was wondering about your Cookie Monster pj pants, although they are rather cute. Where did you find them? Do you think they come in my size?… I wasn’t wondering about your messy hair either. Half the time I go to work looking much worse because of a misplaced brush or lack of time. I was staring at you out of envy. You see, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence and you just happen to be trampling all over my green grass in your over sized bear slippers.
I’m not sure where you are in your life. If your happy with your own circumstances or if things have gone as you planned. To be honest, I don’t know you at all. Maybe I seen you on a sick day and your life is so much different than the one I have made up for you.
I seen you getting your small child off the bus while I was going to pick up my kids after work. I was running late, scatterbrained, stressed, and trying to figure out how I was going to get everything I needed to do done in what little daylight I had left. You were in your pajamas and bear slippers, rocking the messy bun, and already home with child in hand. For a moment the green eyed monster came out in me. I apologize for assuming your life is perfect. I’m sure we all have our own mommy guilt. Yours is probably different than mine but I’m sure it still exists. My particular form of guilt is leaving my children while I go to work. My guilt is not being there when my daughter fell down to kiss her boo boos or making sure they are doing all they are supposed to do for morning work. Some women thrive as a working mom, some women need that. That is okay, life is individualized and not everyone can fit into the same mold. Maybe you too are looking at greener grass. Maybe you wish you were able to go to work, become president, be in a movie, plant a garden, live in Nebraska…. I don’t know. Whatever it is I hope you go for it.
I don’t know what is keeping me from going for my dream. Fear, money, change… Some days I wish I was a jumper. Someone who can see what they want and leap for it. Someone who doesn’t think about consequences but plans for the end success. I don’t want to live a life that I look back on and think, I should have done that differently. I want to take control of my life but instead I live in regret and fear because my fence is just too high. Instead I sit on my dirt patch and watch with jealousy as others walk on my green grass hoping one day to be able to climb the impossible fence. I set my goals and plan but really deep down I know it’s all a dream. A dream I’m too afraid to chase.
Please go on, stay in your pjs at 2 in the afternoon. Don’t worry about your hair. It doesn’t matter if you have on make up. If you are happy it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Find what makes you happy. Find the strength to go for it. Dig deep down and find the courage to work toward the life you want… it is never too late. It’s time to take back our life and make the choices we want. It’s time to throw caution out the door and jump with our eyes closed tight with the goal of landing in the life we want.
Other mother I do not know, I wish you the best. I hope your life is full of cartoon pajamas and mornings sleeping in (unless you have an infant in that house and then you are on your own). I wish you all the happiness in the world. Someday, when I reach my goal, maybe I will see you at the park as our children are playing. I probably will not talk to you, I may smile and nod in that how you doing kind of way, but I do promise not to stare anymore.
Someday, I will find my green grass… Hopefully someday soon.
The weird lady who was giving you the eye as you walked across the road.