1. The floor has vanished so you don’t have to mop anymore. Oh I know it’s still there somewhere… under mounds of toys, books, clothes dragged out of dressers, and whatever else I want to pretend I don’t see.
2. More storage space. Since everything from two feet and under has now been ransacked into the floor you have plenty of room to put new stuff. Although it won’t stay there for long.
3. Encouraging your will power to excel on your diet. Since your food will always look better to a toddler than their own, you will be forced into a calorie reduced diet. You will also have a healthy helping of plastic and imaginary food several times a day so you shouldn’t be hungry at dinner anyway.
4. No need for a pricey gym membership. You won’t have to worry about having actual furniture to sit on either cause mommy you ain’t sitting down anytime soon.
5. Quiet time becomes panic time…. Not a perk to having a toddler just a warning from someone who knows. Do you know where your toddler is right now?
Warning Advisory. If your toddler is quiet… check on your mashed potatoes.
6. You won’t need a paper shredder anymore. That is if you could get them to shred the stuff you want thrown away and not the stuff you want to keep. Also you will get to rotate out your books more often so there will always be fresh shred reading material around.
7. Cooking becomes more fun as it becomes more of a game as you have to weave around the toddler obstacle as they follow you around wanting to be picked up and/or given ice cream… Sometimes they will be appeased with cheese.
8. You will learn a new level of almost zen like patience as you try to get a screaming squirmy mobile little creature into their new outfit that they “NO LIKE”. Which then makes you wonder if they know what the phrase means because they use it for everything now days.
9. You learn a second language without even trying. Just wait till you impress everyone by trying out your new bilingual status when you order “Tafoos” and the Taco Bell lady looks at you like your crazy. Apparently many people don’t speak toddlerese. Maybe they should call and see if Rosetta carries it.
10. And the best part about having a toddler is that no matter how bad you look, how much food you have spilled on your shirt, whatever wild words escape your mouth, how silly you get, or how many times you blurt out the phrase “No No”, people will generally assume it’s because of the toddler. 2 years of free tickets to crazy town without the judgmental looks that not having a toddler and doing those things gets you.
See having a toddler isn’t all bad…. In fact having a toddler is WONDERFUL!